I know some of you might be laughing your asses off. Amil playing sports...serious wan ar this fella. Dude, i am serious la. Back in the day i was a kick ass basketball player. Back when i was in form one and for two, me and my boys (who were in the afternoon session) would come to the morning session of fridays to play ball with some of the older kids. I mean here you have amil, this cocky young punk going up to some form 5 kids during their PJK saying "Bro, wanna play ar, 4 on 4 , us kids vs you seniors" and we would whoop their asses. I remember being the guy who would always play like a forward, getting the boards, post up, slashing in the lane, perimeter jumpers, that sorta shit. We also went to the church behind my school to play some ball (i think it was the lutherian church or sumthin, and i would play without my shirt on (kinda scrawny back then), and my friends would be like "dude, its a church la...you'll get the nuns all excited".F*ckin hillarious. I think my main BBall gang consisted of David, Adrian and EuGin. We would play ball all the way till class starts after friday prayers. i remember even during fasting month i would play. I didn't give a shit. i loved the game.
We then formed an under 15 team to play for the MSSS level. We got jerseys and shit and i always wore number 7. We went to seaport school for the games and we were like the 8th seed school in PJ. We were pitted against the top seeded school which was Seaport. During practice the center dunked and it freaked us out. The game started. My center tips off to me and i race across the court for a quick layup. POW. The opposing centers blocks my layup. IN YOUR FACE MOTHER F*CKER!!!!
Sigh...My school was never really any good la. We never won a single tournament but it was super fun playing ball with the crew. I personally had some success in basketball though. I joined the addidas streetball 3 on 3 and got second place (for the non chinese category la). It was seriously fun. My team consisted of me, Justin,Dani and Daniel and we were pretty good la. I remember being down by like 2 points with like a minute to go and we kicked some serious ass by playing killer defence. In the finals, we played against this kampung fellas from KB and they seriously kicked our asses la. I mean these guys were using pallas jazz school shoes to play and they tapaued us kao kao. I think that was the only occasion i had ever won anything in sports la. hahaha.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
PRESENT : Guitar Hero SLUT!!
For those of you who know me i proclaim myself to be the best guitar hero player in Malaysia. Serious shit. I play guitar on expert and i 5* a majority of the songs i play. Im a pretty decent drummer to (i play drums on hard).
I have always kicked some serious ass in this game and i have almost every instalment of the guitar hero franchise. I recently bought Guitar Hero Van Halen and i seriously got my ASS KICKED. i mean its van halen. The KING of tapping and to play on EXPERT, you gotta tap that lil plastic guitar. Its F*ckin insane. I mean here i am FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER in GH history that i CANNOT COMPLETE a song on expert. A few songs to be exact. I died in ERUPTION, got my ass owned in SPANISH FLY and couldnt even get pass the intro for HOT FOR TEACHER. CRAP!!!
But it is serious fun tho and i definitely do enjoy playing guitar hero. Even if its like a few songs, its just a great way to unwind and chill.
I have always kicked some serious ass in this game and i have almost every instalment of the guitar hero franchise. I recently bought Guitar Hero Van Halen and i seriously got my ASS KICKED. i mean its van halen. The KING of tapping and to play on EXPERT, you gotta tap that lil plastic guitar. Its F*ckin insane. I mean here i am FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER in GH history that i CANNOT COMPLETE a song on expert. A few songs to be exact. I died in ERUPTION, got my ass owned in SPANISH FLY and couldnt even get pass the intro for HOT FOR TEACHER. CRAP!!!
But it is serious fun tho and i definitely do enjoy playing guitar hero. Even if its like a few songs, its just a great way to unwind and chill.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
PAST : First sexual experience
The title got you guys excited kan. Well this is some funny shit la. I'm sure that there are some people out there that might have experienced the same thing that i did. I think i was four and i always played games with my neighbour. Games like battle city on my micro genius and also some old school game watch games la. But one day we decided to play doctor doctor. So she pulled down her pants and i pulled down mine and we were playing with our privates. SERIOUS SHIT. That was literally the first clit i ever fondled la. We were laughing out asses off untill my maid caught us and told us that what we were doing was wrong.
Didnt keep in contact with that neighbour of mine but many years later, she ended up studying in the same uni as me and one day she came up to me and said "Amil, do you remember when we were kids, and we both got naked and started playing with ourselves??" F*ckin shy la i tell you. If i was having a dry season kan, after a few drinks i would have definitely tapped that ass la BACK THEN. HAHAHA (yes yes, to those who know me, i used to be a f*ckin horrible person)
Didnt keep in contact with that neighbour of mine but many years later, she ended up studying in the same uni as me and one day she came up to me and said "Amil, do you remember when we were kids, and we both got naked and started playing with ourselves??" F*ckin shy la i tell you. If i was having a dry season kan, after a few drinks i would have definitely tapped that ass la BACK THEN. HAHAHA (yes yes, to those who know me, i used to be a f*ckin horrible person)
Saturday, January 2, 2010
PRESENT : New Years weekend
New Years is always an interesting time of year. I mean roads in KL are all jammed up like a byatch and people are getting drunk as ass and causing a ruckus all throughout major cities. But there are some good points though. Here's are some interesting stories for new years 2010
1. Claire (with some help from me) cooked a wonderful meal. We had some toasted baguettes with smoked salmon and creme cheese for appetizers which were killer awesome. Just toasted the baguettes and nuked those fella's in the microwave. The main coarse was some kick ass pasta. She started by frying some onions (which i hate but all good la), garlic and sausages. Then added in some diced tomatoes. After the fetuccini was cooked, everything was mixed together and some milk and spices were added. Yummyness to the max la. We also had some peaches and yogurt for dessert which i didnt quite fancy but seriously, the meal was f*ckin awesome
2. Some friends of mine who partying it up at the penthouse in the Ritz (total bill came up to about RM3000...F*ckin roockstars la these fellas) got mugged on the way to the car. I mean these indian macha's just came and beat up both my friend and HER soon to be husband and made away with their wallets, i phones and car keys. Thank god there was no serious injuries la. But what a way to start the new years. Well hopefully the rest of the year ends up good for em la
Had some family function yesterday and learned so many things from my uncles and aunties about my parents. Lets just summarize some of the interesting stories
1. My dad was busted by the cops when he was 12 because he had another kid riding pillion on his bicycle (which was against the law back then). He met with some cops (who were also on bicycle) half way and they asked him to stop. My dad then just made his way through the kampung roads of brickfields and thought he managed to elude the cops la. But 5 minutes later the cops knocked on the door and asked him to come out. My dad was like "do you have any proof ar that i was the one cycling?". The cops were pissed and dragged hm to the police station. His uncle had to bail him out for RM 5.
2. My dad loved his birds and fishes. He used to head on the the pet store and when no one was looking, he would steal fishes and put them in his pocket. He would then run all the way home and put the survivors in his aquarium. But then, he had a knack for pissing my grandpa off and one day, gramps just took the aquarium, and threw the fishes on the padang (seriously f*cked up). My dad also trained a bird to independently go into his cage. He would release the bird on the floor, move the cage a few steps back, and the bird would slowly hop its way back to the cage. But one day my dad forgot to notice the cat that was waiting in silence. The cat pounced on the poor birdy and makan the fella la.
3. My dad was pissed with his landlord once and plotted an evil prank. He went to the public toilets (which had no piping, so waste was collected in buckets) and armed with his school socks as gloves, brought the bucket of shit to the landlords house and poured the crap all over the entrance staircase of the landlords house. Everyone woke up early that morning to the sound of the landlords cursing and swearing
4. My mom thought she was stood up by my dad the day of the wedding. His rombongan was supposed to arrive at 11 am but at 2pm there was still no sign of him. SO all the kampung folk was kutuking my mom and my dads family saying things like "itulah...kahwin keling macam tu la","keling tu tipu la","awak nie takleh ke cari orang melayu??". My mom just couldnt take the bullshit in her house and took her bicycle and cycled out to the main road. Suddenly she met up with my grand uncle (uncle Joe) anfd just broke down crying. Apparently there was an accident on the kampung road so thats why la late. But im thinking its because my dad was using the indian timing mindset la. Wedding at 11am, ill leave the house at 1045.
1. Claire (with some help from me) cooked a wonderful meal. We had some toasted baguettes with smoked salmon and creme cheese for appetizers which were killer awesome. Just toasted the baguettes and nuked those fella's in the microwave. The main coarse was some kick ass pasta. She started by frying some onions (which i hate but all good la), garlic and sausages. Then added in some diced tomatoes. After the fetuccini was cooked, everything was mixed together and some milk and spices were added. Yummyness to the max la. We also had some peaches and yogurt for dessert which i didnt quite fancy but seriously, the meal was f*ckin awesome
2. Some friends of mine who partying it up at the penthouse in the Ritz (total bill came up to about RM3000...F*ckin roockstars la these fellas) got mugged on the way to the car. I mean these indian macha's just came and beat up both my friend and HER soon to be husband and made away with their wallets, i phones and car keys. Thank god there was no serious injuries la. But what a way to start the new years. Well hopefully the rest of the year ends up good for em la
Had some family function yesterday and learned so many things from my uncles and aunties about my parents. Lets just summarize some of the interesting stories
1. My dad was busted by the cops when he was 12 because he had another kid riding pillion on his bicycle (which was against the law back then). He met with some cops (who were also on bicycle) half way and they asked him to stop. My dad then just made his way through the kampung roads of brickfields and thought he managed to elude the cops la. But 5 minutes later the cops knocked on the door and asked him to come out. My dad was like "do you have any proof ar that i was the one cycling?". The cops were pissed and dragged hm to the police station. His uncle had to bail him out for RM 5.
2. My dad loved his birds and fishes. He used to head on the the pet store and when no one was looking, he would steal fishes and put them in his pocket. He would then run all the way home and put the survivors in his aquarium. But then, he had a knack for pissing my grandpa off and one day, gramps just took the aquarium, and threw the fishes on the padang (seriously f*cked up). My dad also trained a bird to independently go into his cage. He would release the bird on the floor, move the cage a few steps back, and the bird would slowly hop its way back to the cage. But one day my dad forgot to notice the cat that was waiting in silence. The cat pounced on the poor birdy and makan the fella la.
3. My dad was pissed with his landlord once and plotted an evil prank. He went to the public toilets (which had no piping, so waste was collected in buckets) and armed with his school socks as gloves, brought the bucket of shit to the landlords house and poured the crap all over the entrance staircase of the landlords house. Everyone woke up early that morning to the sound of the landlords cursing and swearing
4. My mom thought she was stood up by my dad the day of the wedding. His rombongan was supposed to arrive at 11 am but at 2pm there was still no sign of him. SO all the kampung folk was kutuking my mom and my dads family saying things like "itulah...kahwin keling macam tu la","keling tu tipu la","awak nie takleh ke cari orang melayu??". My mom just couldnt take the bullshit in her house and took her bicycle and cycled out to the main road. Suddenly she met up with my grand uncle (uncle Joe) anfd just broke down crying. Apparently there was an accident on the kampung road so thats why la late. But im thinking its because my dad was using the indian timing mindset la. Wedding at 11am, ill leave the house at 1045.
Monday, December 28, 2009
PRESENT : The Shah Alam Syndrome
For the past two weeks, me and a few other compatriots have been working around the clock at a warehouse in Shah Alam to segregate and distribute stocks.(The particular business i work for is a sensitive one so i would not be able to mention my company's products). Here are a few of the interesting things that i have observed and has happened here in Shah Alam
1. There are a whole bunch of roundabouts here that its seriously not funny. I mean you can easily get lost as some roundabouts here have six exits!!F*ckin insane. And there are also traffic lights in the roundabout. Super crazy.
2. Went to the McDonalds drivethrough (i think in Section 2??) for lunch with Claire yesterday and everyone who was having lunch at that time (with the exception of Claire) were Melayu's.
3. An entire shift of contract workers (about 30 people from Bangladesh and Pakistan) went on strike because of some labour disputes with the contractor. F*ckin insane. We had workers who worked the previous night shift that had to help us. These guys ran 24 hour shifts and were workin their asses off. With the shortage in manpower, some of us management staff had to familiarize ourselves with power stackers and assist in the manual stocks management whereas others had to spend more time getting down and dirty with stock segregation. IT WAS A MAD HOUSE!!!! But thank god the problem was solved.
4. These Bangladesh workers survive by being paid RM40 for working 12 hour shifts. Imagine that.Some of us spend that much of moolah just on coffee for a day...sigh..
5. Pakistani workers think they are better than Bangladeshi workers. Through my observation, the Pakistani workers are definitely more intelligent but the Bangladeshi workers are more hardworking
6. There is this lorry driver who is a 70 year old apek and he still drives lorries which i think is cool because he still has the drive to work. And the younger lorry driver called him "cina tamak" because he is so old and he still wants to work depriving younger lorry drivers of an opportunity to work. I mean, there he is working his ass off and the young guns are calling him tamak. Kiss my ass. Im sure he has responsibilities, he needs to pay the bills and shit so thats why he is still working. and i think thats admirable. I told that young driver to put himself in the old drivers shoes la....what would he do....the fella kept quiet only....again its this racial stereotype that pisses me off ya know...ah well...
We are supposed to be at the tail end of this project but due to some last minute BullShit....there are more stocks arriving and we might have to continue on working here for the upcoming weeks...
But honestly, working in this warehouse although tiring and stressful is alot more fun and fulfilling compared to my normal role back in HQ.(looking at excel templates all day and churning numbers which has the similar value of feeding water to a f*ckin fish). There is so much of empowerment and a sense of belief in fighting for the cause ya know. Its great to know that your efforts are integral to the success of a particular project. I like that. Knowing that what you are doing is f*ckin important.
1. There are a whole bunch of roundabouts here that its seriously not funny. I mean you can easily get lost as some roundabouts here have six exits!!F*ckin insane. And there are also traffic lights in the roundabout. Super crazy.
2. Went to the McDonalds drivethrough (i think in Section 2??) for lunch with Claire yesterday and everyone who was having lunch at that time (with the exception of Claire) were Melayu's.
3. An entire shift of contract workers (about 30 people from Bangladesh and Pakistan) went on strike because of some labour disputes with the contractor. F*ckin insane. We had workers who worked the previous night shift that had to help us. These guys ran 24 hour shifts and were workin their asses off. With the shortage in manpower, some of us management staff had to familiarize ourselves with power stackers and assist in the manual stocks management whereas others had to spend more time getting down and dirty with stock segregation. IT WAS A MAD HOUSE!!!! But thank god the problem was solved.
4. These Bangladesh workers survive by being paid RM40 for working 12 hour shifts. Imagine that.Some of us spend that much of moolah just on coffee for a day...sigh..
5. Pakistani workers think they are better than Bangladeshi workers. Through my observation, the Pakistani workers are definitely more intelligent but the Bangladeshi workers are more hardworking
6. There is this lorry driver who is a 70 year old apek and he still drives lorries which i think is cool because he still has the drive to work. And the younger lorry driver called him "cina tamak" because he is so old and he still wants to work depriving younger lorry drivers of an opportunity to work. I mean, there he is working his ass off and the young guns are calling him tamak. Kiss my ass. Im sure he has responsibilities, he needs to pay the bills and shit so thats why he is still working. and i think thats admirable. I told that young driver to put himself in the old drivers shoes la....what would he do....the fella kept quiet only....again its this racial stereotype that pisses me off ya know...ah well...
We are supposed to be at the tail end of this project but due to some last minute BullShit....there are more stocks arriving and we might have to continue on working here for the upcoming weeks...
But honestly, working in this warehouse although tiring and stressful is alot more fun and fulfilling compared to my normal role back in HQ.(looking at excel templates all day and churning numbers which has the similar value of feeding water to a f*ckin fish). There is so much of empowerment and a sense of belief in fighting for the cause ya know. Its great to know that your efforts are integral to the success of a particular project. I like that. Knowing that what you are doing is f*ckin important.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
PRESENT : Board Game Addict
I love board games. Especially word board games. I totally love it. Used to play scrabble a whole bunch when i was younger but as of this year, board games has taken on a whole new meaning especially when my partner in crime (the lovely and super competitive Clairessa Chan) shares a passion for similar board games.
We started by playing scrabble almost every other day and initially i was top dog la. But as time started to take its toll, she started to kick my ass big time. We used to average about 250 pts per game initially and now its nothing less than 300 pts. I have only been fortunate enough to score a 7 tile word like once my entire life and she has managed it 3 times!!! She even had one round where she scored like 100 points for a single word (sniff sniff). (SQUIDS and LIONS on a triple letter i think....f*ckin power...oh and not forgetting TRAINING...hahaha). It even got to a point where we argued over which dictionary to use, Collins or Webster and being a person of structure, we decided to just focus on one dictionary (currently Webster. We even brought the scrabble for all our little holiday excursions. The tile bag was filled with sand after our perhentian holiday and it was real sweet to be playing on the beach while the waves crash onto the sea (fuyyooohh..so poetic this boy..)
We also Boggle quite a bit and it is always fun playing with Claire cause she is so competitive and she has this adorable way of looking for words immediately after realizing she didnt have that word on her scoresheet. We also recently found the joy of playing Bog with a whole bunch of other people. The dynamics change and you have to go all out and look for the longest or most obscure word out there on the board. (followed by cries of "good girl tai che' kick his ass!!").
We used to have the old school boggle set with the wooden tiles and the big shaker which annoys the people around you when you start boggling the fella. But recently my car got broken into and some dumb kampung f*cks stole my bag from my car la. I was a dumbass for leaving my bag with my board games in my back seat. But sedih la...sniff sniff...all those memories, scores, cute drawings...sigh....
So we got ourselves the new boggle. Its like automatic and it has a buzzer and everything. Super portable, but i still miss the old skool set la. But all good. I think this new boggle brings me better luck as i am starting to kick her ass pretty regularly.
For Christmas, Tina got us a Upwards set. F*ckin awesome. Its like Scrabble on steroids. Stacking up a whole bunch of letters to form new words and go for the power kill. She has beaten me twice already and im looking forward to our next rematch
We started by playing scrabble almost every other day and initially i was top dog la. But as time started to take its toll, she started to kick my ass big time. We used to average about 250 pts per game initially and now its nothing less than 300 pts. I have only been fortunate enough to score a 7 tile word like once my entire life and she has managed it 3 times!!! She even had one round where she scored like 100 points for a single word (sniff sniff). (SQUIDS and LIONS on a triple letter i think....f*ckin power...oh and not forgetting TRAINING...hahaha). It even got to a point where we argued over which dictionary to use, Collins or Webster and being a person of structure, we decided to just focus on one dictionary (currently Webster. We even brought the scrabble for all our little holiday excursions. The tile bag was filled with sand after our perhentian holiday and it was real sweet to be playing on the beach while the waves crash onto the sea (fuyyooohh..so poetic this boy..)
We also Boggle quite a bit and it is always fun playing with Claire cause she is so competitive and she has this adorable way of looking for words immediately after realizing she didnt have that word on her scoresheet. We also recently found the joy of playing Bog with a whole bunch of other people. The dynamics change and you have to go all out and look for the longest or most obscure word out there on the board. (followed by cries of "good girl tai che' kick his ass!!").
We used to have the old school boggle set with the wooden tiles and the big shaker which annoys the people around you when you start boggling the fella. But recently my car got broken into and some dumb kampung f*cks stole my bag from my car la. I was a dumbass for leaving my bag with my board games in my back seat. But sedih la...sniff sniff...all those memories, scores, cute drawings...sigh....
So we got ourselves the new boggle. Its like automatic and it has a buzzer and everything. Super portable, but i still miss the old skool set la. But all good. I think this new boggle brings me better luck as i am starting to kick her ass pretty regularly.
For Christmas, Tina got us a Upwards set. F*ckin awesome. Its like Scrabble on steroids. Stacking up a whole bunch of letters to form new words and go for the power kill. She has beaten me twice already and im looking forward to our next rematch
PAST : Early Childhood
I had a great childhood. I mean, whats not to love. I had an amazing family. My house was right in front of a playground. I had a bike. The kids around the neighborhood were friendly...except for this one kid. I think his name was Yong Lee or sumthin. Well lets summarize some of the more memorable moments that i had growing up till i was 12. (in no particular order)
1. Saying F*ck out loud. Now this is a huge no no in any household and i remember the first time i said it out loud in front of my mom and dad. It was thanks to Eddie Murphy (One of my favorite stand up comedians of all time....Raw and Delirious...F*ckin classic).I was four. We were watching Coming to America and there was this scene where he just arrived in Brooklyn, and he opened the windows of his flat and screamed "Good Morning America", to which some homeless dude from down the street yells F*ck You!! Eddie, not knowing what it meant answered "F*ck you too" in a totally greeting-ish tone. I then said it over and over again and my parents were like "Amil, that's a bad word. Dont say that ok" but i kept on saying it and it gave me so much joy to know that such a little word could cause my parents so much discomfort. But the arms of retribution were swift and my dad slapped me on the side of the head. Lesson Learnt
When i was eight i had already mastered the art of cussing in school and my vocabulary expanded to include some of the less known cuss words as well as the usual favorites such as dickhead,cock,cunt,asshole,pukimak,cibai,chow hai and all derivatives of F*ck (i still dont know why im typing * instead of U....). I came home after school one day and was frustrated with my homework (anger management at such a young age kan..) so i just screamed out the word Pukimak. And my mom with impeccable timing just so happened to be there at that particular time to hear me say it. Without missing a beat, she headed straight for the kitchen, got some chilli padi and rubbed it all over my lips. There i was crying like a bitch, which is when i understood the importance of never saying cuss words in front of my parents which i still do until today. Lesson DEFINITELY learnt
2. Playing in the playground in front of my house. F*ckin awesome. I had a group of friends and we would cycle around the playground and our housing area all day. We would take our rackets and play badminton and also dig holes in the padang and play golf using a hockey stick and some ping pong balls. I was a slow learner when it came to cycling. I think i only knew how to cycle when i was 9 or 10. I remember us building mini bridges so that our bikes can cut across the drain to the padang. And i was still just getting used to the whole 2 wheel cycling thingy and attempted to cross the bridge. I F*cked up and fell straight into the drain knee first. I have the scar until today. Also remember this f*ckin kid who loved to just take my bike for a spin without my permission. One day i wanted to go home and i asked him to give me my bike back. He didnt give a shit and kept on doing his thing. 5 minutes later i landed my first Punch.
In the padang there were only two sports that people played. It was either badminton, or it was football. Thats where i learnt that i sucked big time in football and was always selected last amongst all the kids including the GIRLS!!! F*cked up. But i was a kickass goalkeeper though. I was tall and lanky and would always save the ball somehow or another la. Badminton was more my thing. Used to play King. First server. Second Server and King Serve .If you beat the king three times, you become King till someone beats your ass. I mean i wasnt good la. But i definitely wasnt bad.
3. Primary school was also pretty kick ass. I studied in Kampung Tunku and i was definitely considered the cool kid in school la. I was also such a Casanova. When i was 8 there was this girl that i was into and she sat beside me in class. SO i randomly asked her if she could cook. She said the only thing i can cook is maggi and fried eggs. Then i said, well if i marry you, then ill eat Maggi and fried eggs everyday la...(you gotta admit...pretty cute kan...)
I had a girlfriend in standard 6. Well she was kinda my GF, i mean everyone talked about us and shit but we were so shy to speak to one another. So we would pass notes to each other in class saying things like "your hair looks nice today" or "are you staying back after school".We never spoke to each other face to face. F*ckin hillarious i tell you. Funny Story. It was raining heavily one day after computer class and i normally walk home from school. SO i was chillin at the canteen to wait for the rain to subside and my GF walks to me and (for the first time) spoke to me. She asked me if i wanted a ride home and i said yes. We then entered her car which her brother was driving and she directed him to drive to my "house". She thought she knew where i lived and parked the car on the inside of some strangers porch. Me being my super shy self politely got out of the car and waved goodbye. After her car was long gone and apologizing to the stranger who was looking out his front door at me, i made the long walk home in the rain.
In primary school, i found out that i was actually good at sports that involve my hands. I was f*ckin kickass at handball and my school was like the Brazil of primary handball. I mean when we had the MSSD games, we seriously wiped the floor with our opponents. 14-0 la, 8-0 la. It was a f*ckin massacre. But it was during this tournament that i choked bigtime. During our friendlies and training sessions i was like one of the top strikers scoring at will, but during the tournament i scored only 1 goal!! F*ckin shy rite...blamed it on the ball, the official ball was slightly bigger and didnt have as much grip as the rubber ball that i was used to playing. (sour grapes la konon...hahaha)
I was also into basketball cards. Collected a whole bunch of them and learned the art of conning people and being conned. One of my best friends at the time (Sachpal), was also and avid collector and we used to trade cards or take the bus (intrakota 47D...ol skool) to sungai wang where we would hang out at the T-Shop which was a basketball card haven and talk basketball with the fella's there. There we would buy like super expensive cards, and sell whatever valuable cards we had. I remeber my most valuable card was a Shaq Flair rookie card. I think at that time it cost about USD20. And i sold it for a whole bunch of Chris Webber cards. Such a dumb ass. The card costs about USD200 now....hahaha...One of my biggest cons (and kena con) of all time was this limited edition Michael Jordan 99 card set. I bought it for RM100 and sold if for RM200. Thats alot of dough when your 12. But after checking Beckett (the magazine which had all the basketball card prices), its actual worth was only like RM50 for the whole set.
But the story that takes the cake i think was a little nickname that i had when i was in Primary school. I was labeled professor sex when i was 10. I mean i knew about the birds and bee's and watched my first porno at this age. I grew up really quick la. So one day during our free period in class, i just went on the board and asked the class if they knew where babies came from. And i just started explaining and drawing on the board pictures of "mommy and daddy" and came up with this mathematical equation where to get pregnant, your parents must have sex twice. (because at that age, the whole sex thing was kinda gross). So we would be making fun of kids with huge families. "Eww....you have 5 siblings....your parents had sex 10 times....gross..."Kids used to come up to me to understand more about sex and i explained to the best of my ability. I had a cousin who hooked me up with some girly magazines and showed these kids what tits and pussy and ass looked like. Good times.
1. Saying F*ck out loud. Now this is a huge no no in any household and i remember the first time i said it out loud in front of my mom and dad. It was thanks to Eddie Murphy (One of my favorite stand up comedians of all time....Raw and Delirious...F*ckin classic).I was four. We were watching Coming to America and there was this scene where he just arrived in Brooklyn, and he opened the windows of his flat and screamed "Good Morning America", to which some homeless dude from down the street yells F*ck You!! Eddie, not knowing what it meant answered "F*ck you too" in a totally greeting-ish tone. I then said it over and over again and my parents were like "Amil, that's a bad word. Dont say that ok" but i kept on saying it and it gave me so much joy to know that such a little word could cause my parents so much discomfort. But the arms of retribution were swift and my dad slapped me on the side of the head. Lesson Learnt
When i was eight i had already mastered the art of cussing in school and my vocabulary expanded to include some of the less known cuss words as well as the usual favorites such as dickhead,cock,cunt,asshole,pukimak,cibai,chow hai and all derivatives of F*ck (i still dont know why im typing * instead of U....). I came home after school one day and was frustrated with my homework (anger management at such a young age kan..) so i just screamed out the word Pukimak. And my mom with impeccable timing just so happened to be there at that particular time to hear me say it. Without missing a beat, she headed straight for the kitchen, got some chilli padi and rubbed it all over my lips. There i was crying like a bitch, which is when i understood the importance of never saying cuss words in front of my parents which i still do until today. Lesson DEFINITELY learnt
2. Playing in the playground in front of my house. F*ckin awesome. I had a group of friends and we would cycle around the playground and our housing area all day. We would take our rackets and play badminton and also dig holes in the padang and play golf using a hockey stick and some ping pong balls. I was a slow learner when it came to cycling. I think i only knew how to cycle when i was 9 or 10. I remember us building mini bridges so that our bikes can cut across the drain to the padang. And i was still just getting used to the whole 2 wheel cycling thingy and attempted to cross the bridge. I F*cked up and fell straight into the drain knee first. I have the scar until today. Also remember this f*ckin kid who loved to just take my bike for a spin without my permission. One day i wanted to go home and i asked him to give me my bike back. He didnt give a shit and kept on doing his thing. 5 minutes later i landed my first Punch.
In the padang there were only two sports that people played. It was either badminton, or it was football. Thats where i learnt that i sucked big time in football and was always selected last amongst all the kids including the GIRLS!!! F*cked up. But i was a kickass goalkeeper though. I was tall and lanky and would always save the ball somehow or another la. Badminton was more my thing. Used to play King. First server. Second Server and King Serve .If you beat the king three times, you become King till someone beats your ass. I mean i wasnt good la. But i definitely wasnt bad.
3. Primary school was also pretty kick ass. I studied in Kampung Tunku and i was definitely considered the cool kid in school la. I was also such a Casanova. When i was 8 there was this girl that i was into and she sat beside me in class. SO i randomly asked her if she could cook. She said the only thing i can cook is maggi and fried eggs. Then i said, well if i marry you, then ill eat Maggi and fried eggs everyday la...(you gotta admit...pretty cute kan...)
I had a girlfriend in standard 6. Well she was kinda my GF, i mean everyone talked about us and shit but we were so shy to speak to one another. So we would pass notes to each other in class saying things like "your hair looks nice today" or "are you staying back after school".We never spoke to each other face to face. F*ckin hillarious i tell you. Funny Story. It was raining heavily one day after computer class and i normally walk home from school. SO i was chillin at the canteen to wait for the rain to subside and my GF walks to me and (for the first time) spoke to me. She asked me if i wanted a ride home and i said yes. We then entered her car which her brother was driving and she directed him to drive to my "house". She thought she knew where i lived and parked the car on the inside of some strangers porch. Me being my super shy self politely got out of the car and waved goodbye. After her car was long gone and apologizing to the stranger who was looking out his front door at me, i made the long walk home in the rain.
In primary school, i found out that i was actually good at sports that involve my hands. I was f*ckin kickass at handball and my school was like the Brazil of primary handball. I mean when we had the MSSD games, we seriously wiped the floor with our opponents. 14-0 la, 8-0 la. It was a f*ckin massacre. But it was during this tournament that i choked bigtime. During our friendlies and training sessions i was like one of the top strikers scoring at will, but during the tournament i scored only 1 goal!! F*ckin shy rite...blamed it on the ball, the official ball was slightly bigger and didnt have as much grip as the rubber ball that i was used to playing. (sour grapes la konon...hahaha)
I was also into basketball cards. Collected a whole bunch of them and learned the art of conning people and being conned. One of my best friends at the time (Sachpal), was also and avid collector and we used to trade cards or take the bus (intrakota 47D...ol skool) to sungai wang where we would hang out at the T-Shop which was a basketball card haven and talk basketball with the fella's there. There we would buy like super expensive cards, and sell whatever valuable cards we had. I remeber my most valuable card was a Shaq Flair rookie card. I think at that time it cost about USD20. And i sold it for a whole bunch of Chris Webber cards. Such a dumb ass. The card costs about USD200 now....hahaha...One of my biggest cons (and kena con) of all time was this limited edition Michael Jordan 99 card set. I bought it for RM100 and sold if for RM200. Thats alot of dough when your 12. But after checking Beckett (the magazine which had all the basketball card prices), its actual worth was only like RM50 for the whole set.
But the story that takes the cake i think was a little nickname that i had when i was in Primary school. I was labeled professor sex when i was 10. I mean i knew about the birds and bee's and watched my first porno at this age. I grew up really quick la. So one day during our free period in class, i just went on the board and asked the class if they knew where babies came from. And i just started explaining and drawing on the board pictures of "mommy and daddy" and came up with this mathematical equation where to get pregnant, your parents must have sex twice. (because at that age, the whole sex thing was kinda gross). So we would be making fun of kids with huge families. "Eww....you have 5 siblings....your parents had sex 10 times....gross..."Kids used to come up to me to understand more about sex and i explained to the best of my ability. I had a cousin who hooked me up with some girly magazines and showed these kids what tits and pussy and ass looked like. Good times.
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